Saturday, June 23, 2012

You know you've been in Asia too long when...

(the yellow part is my commentary) 

~You own more hair bows and scrunchies than in 1st grade, and they are a fashion trend rather than a faux pas (all of the nurses wore these)
Hair scrunchies and shade
 ~Seeing babies with a hole in their pants peeing on the streets doesn't even evoke a second look anymore (learned in China)
This is a completely normal experience in China. When you gotta go you gotta go!
~You never pay more than 10% of the price originally quoted to you at the silk market
~You know the different pronunciations of all the different "bings"(the tones in Chinese are quite difficult)
~Asian people understand your English better than white people
~The garbage truck song is your new ringtone (remember, the garbage truck sings as it makes its way down the street signaling for you to bring out your trash)
~You have forgotten how to pass food to the person sitting right next to you without a lazy susan (you eat EVERY meal with this)
 ~You eat the equivalent of 3 donuts each morning from Cafe 85
"Take off Taiwan" here we come
~You stop questioning what you're eating and just eat it anyway
~You come up with a "Take off Taiwan" workout plan
~You don't even have to try to photo bomb pictures, because you're in all of the pictures already
~You continue to gain weight from food that you don't even enjoy eating
~McDonald's McFlurry's and Sundaes have become a nightly ritual
~You spend all of your colorful money since it simply seems like monopoly money
~You get a smokers cough after being outside in the pollution for 30 minutes (thank you Beijing)
~You have successfully figured out how to maneuver your way onto the Chinese subways, including the "push and shove" method (simply because that is the only way you will even make it onto the subway)
~You have to stand for 3 hours on a train because you have no seat
~You want someone to call you so you can answer it "waaay" (this is their version of "hello" when answering the phone. don't be alarmed if I ever do this to you when calling)
~You can do crunches on your bed and your butt doesn't sink in (gotta love those mattresses and bunk beds)
Our living arrangements
~You mistake one of your roommates moving during the night as an earthquake (true story)
~The same disgusting Asian airplane food that made you sick on the flight here is easily one of your favorite meals on the flight home (also, a true story)
~When honking taxis mean nothing more than "I'm here!"(the honking is a little ridiculous in Beijing)
 ~You see mothers breast feeding their babies while driving a moped
~Every white boy you see instantly becomes the hottest boy you've ever seen
~You cheer out loud when you walk into a bathroom that actually has toilet paper or hand soap
~There is a line of us girls anxiously waiting for the 1 toilet, while 10 squatters are open
~The painted lines on the road are simply "guidelines"(this applies in Irvine too)
Look closely- not only is this car going to wrong way, but it is also driving on the sidewalk. No big deal.
~"Hello" has no meaning to you anymore
~Every Asian you meet apologizes because their English is poor, when it's actually better than your English
It apparently was just too funny to handle
~You begin and end every sentence with "Ni hao" and "Xie Xie"
~Every Asian tells you that any destination is exactly 20 minutes away
~You announce to the group that you just saw 2 LDS missionaries in downtown Beijing (fact: there are no LDS misionaries in China)
~You are shocked to see a 4th floor in the hotel (the #4 in Chinese sounds like the word for death, therefore, there are no 4th floors anywhere- including hospital beds/rooms #4)
~Any item you talk about, you include the word "the" before saying it (The Facebook, The Asia)
~Your straightener and blow dryer have blown out from the high voltage (so far I am 2 countries out of 2 countries on this statistic)
~You state out loud that you'd rather have 7 C. Diff patients than ever smell Stinky Tofu again (this is not an exaggeration fellow nurses)
Never again
 ~You appreciate when Subway offers more than 1 type of cheese
~You can calculate temperature easier in Celsius than in Fahrenheit
~You can't order food off of any menu without a detailed picture of the meal
~You return home with triple the number of pearls you previously owned (who does that? ... how embarrassing for them)
It's okay, this can be my wedding ring. The empress is done with it.
~You appreciate pillows that actually indent when your head falls of them
~You seriously consider stealing toiler paper from the jade factory because you're running out of kleenex's to use as TP in the public restrooms
~You see a 7-11 and shout for joy and feel at home
~Sleeping on the floor of the LAX airport is softer than your bed in Taiwan
~It's ok to walk across the street in the middle of oncoming Chinese traffic, and even feel comfortable doing so (just another day in the life)
~You become picky about Hi-chew flavors (green apples ones are the best! trust me)
~You're breathing in more incense than oxygen in one breath
~It's raining so hard that you don't bother putting on a poncho or pulling out an umbrella
~Your water bottle is filled with steam because ALL the water is hot
~You don't dare to drink the tap water even when you're back in the USA, since you've been told not to for so long (wait! what? water comes out of the fridge now?)
~You're shocked to see a shower curtain (we lived without this the whole time)
~You don't dare to buy a filled donut becuase you're afraid there will be beans inside
~You've accepted the fact that you'll have to hold your trash for the next 4 blocks because there won't be a garbage can (trash cans are endangered in Taiwan/China)
~Hickeys are totally acceptable on your neck and all over your back (referring to the Chinese medicine of cupping)

~Getting food off of the street is better than any sit-down restaurant
~You eat scorpions with the stinger still attached
~You can fit 10 girls in a 10 x 10 leopard print room, and it's more comfortable than your dorm beds
 ~Your male instructor helps you shop
Doing laundry in our newly purchased silk robes
~There are more people on the beach on the cloudy, rainy day than a beautiful, sunny day
~The temple baptismal font water isn't tall enough to cover your knees (i even had the bruise to prove it)
~You have had a bug bite on every inch of your body at some point during the trip
One of my roommates legs
~You wonder why everyone isn't constantly telling you you're beautiful anymore
-Your instructor told you you would lose weight and you return having gained some related to the copious amounts of 7-11 cupcakes consumed daily (buying out the entire stash of those cupcakes became a daily routine as well... yikes)
-Google translate is now bookmarked in your search bar (slash is the only means of communication with some of the staff at the hospital)
~You create a "You know you've been in Asia too long" list while waiting during a 10 hour layover at the Taipei airport :)
First day in Taiwan

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